DIY Gone Awry: You’re Killing Me, Buster

I’m about to end the life of this f*&$ing pot holder I’ve been knitting this thing with polyester rope which has  nearly killed me.

I swear it’ll be the death of me. Heavy sarcasm aside, it ended up looking great, and seems like it would function fantastically as a pot holder, only it’s flippin’ polyester and would melt on instant contact with anything hot. I. Am. Brilliant.

And I’ll be damned if I ever make one of these like this again.

You could literally clone another me from this thing with the amount of blood, sweat and tears — and spit — that’s on this thing. I’ve used my teeth as a tool more than one should.

Word to the wise: DO NOT KNIT WITH THICK POLYESTER ROPE. Don’t do it! Just. Don’t. Do. It. It’s agonizing. I now know what it’s like to give birth because of this thing; each time the crochet needle successfully crowns and passes through between the 2 nylon rope pieces, it’s like giving birth. (Maybe a tad dramatic due to stress, but c’mon!).

How did this agony all begin? Well, I recently bought a knitting loom and made this scarf/soon to be rug or something using this gal’s tutorial.

It was a pleasant experience making the scarf with soft, chunky, wool. I watched some Modern Family episodes as I knitted away, finishing in under 2 hours with much success. So I thought I’d try a heftier material and make a pot holder*. It took 6.3 times longer to knit just the first row and I ended up breaking the dinky crochet hook in minutes– which is when I should have thrown in the towel. But no. I kept going, jokingly naming this pot-holder-from-hell piece “Buster” because it busted–in total–2 crochet hooks, 1 industrial metal needle, and 2 nails, not to mention, breaking my spirit.

Initially, as I knit away, I had a huge grin on (think overcompensation) and spent 2 DAYS (!) on this before I reached the breaking point today. So today, finally, I finished. The pot holder finally measured square and I was about to cast off (using this tutorial) and do a victory dance. Problem was, the depth of misery I met while knitting would be nothing compared to the misery of casting off of the loom. Going in, I had 1 big blister and now, I have 3 ON ONE FINGER and have probably effed up my teeth a bit from grabbing it with them and pulling to no avail. So now, with only 5 cast off knits to go, I’m throwing in the towel. Begrudgingly, I’m giving up.

All I can do is laugh hysterically; I haven’t showered today and to think Buster will slowly unravel, like my sanity, is not comforting. So I find solace in blogging about it. Maybe then my frustration can be released into the great, great interwebs.

See my agony? My boyfriend even attempted it using pliers and after trying for 3 minutes, said, and I quote “It’s scientifically not possible. This is f*@%ed.” followed by “You’re a little crazy, my love, you’re a little crazy”. And with that, I say goodnight, good riddance and for the love of lillies, please bring me a generous glass of wine and some Miss Vickies.

The lesson? Knowing when to quit; when something’s not working and walking away.

Have you ever failed a DIY this bad? I need to hear, if only so we can commiserate and cheers over it. GOSH!

*big mistake